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This blog predates Jack Swagger's gimmick shift by a year. I named it after Hulk Hogan's entrance theme.

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Raw Response – 05/14/12

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After two weeks of waiting to see what was really going to be next for Triple H and Brock Lesnar after Lesnar “broke Triple H’s arm” two weeks ago on Raw, Triple H his return at the top of the show with his arm in a sling to sell his arm injury.

Triple H essentially ran down Brock Lesnar for being a flake and not living up to his potential and said that Brock Lesnar and John Laurinaitis thought the WWE needs to be “legitimized” was an insult to all of the greats who made this business what it is today – such as himself, Shawn Michaels, Undertaker, and Ric Flair.  This provoked a response from Paul Heyman, who came out with law suit papers and served them to Triple H, claiming that Brock Lesnar would sue the WWE to get the money that was promised him in the deal he forced John Laurinaitis into three weeks ago.  Heyman would go on to say that Triple H was just saying bad things about Brock Lesnar because that’s what every team or company does when they lose their franchise player.  Triple H then angrily threw the papers at Heyman and left, claiming Brock Lesnar would get everything he deserves.  The question is, how soon are we going to see Triple H and Brock Lesnar face off in the ring.  Recent speculation on Wrestlezone.com has it that the match could take place sooner than expected.  There are still three more Pay Per Views to go through before SummerSlam.  Perhaps Triple H vs. Lesnar will be highlighting one of them.

First match of the night was tag team action featuring three of WWE’s singles champions with WWE Champion CM Punk teaming with United States Champion Santino Marella to take on Punk’s challenger at Over the Limit, Daniel Bryan, and the Intercontinental Champion, Cody Rhodes.  The match would take up over a full segment with Santino humorously trying for a Suicide Dive, but bouncing off the ropes back into the ring instead leading into the commercial break.  Santino woud go on to make a few more miscues on purpose throughout the match before Punk got a hot tag.  Bryan then retreated to the back, and Punk beat Rhodes with the GTS.  Punk then stared daggers at Bryan while Bryan backed away up the rampway with a smirk on his face.  Unless Punk makes his way to Friday Night Smackdown this week, this will be their final encounter before meeting in the WWE Championship match at Over the Limit on Sunday.  Punk would later be seen talking with Alex Riley, linking them together once again with Punk having used Riley a few weeks ago to dupe Chris Jericho into thinking Punk was drunk on the final Raw before their Chicago Street Fight at Extreme Rules.   Something kind of partnership could be in the future for Punk and Riley.  Daniel Bryan’s former girlfriend AJ then approached Punk, but he wanted nothing to do with her.  I don’t really see Daniel Bryan leaving Over the Limit with the WWE Championship and Punk has been nearly unbeatable since capturing the title from Alberto Del Rio back at Survivor Series last year.  He’s had a very long run as champion in this era of constant title changes, so he’s ripe for the picking, but I’m still going to predict that Punk retains the title over Daniel Bryan on Sunday.

Beth Phoenix would then face Alicia Fox one-on-one in a match with no doubt that Beth Phoenix would emerge victorious to go over in the final Raw before she faces Layla for the Diva’s Championship at Over the Limit on Sunday.  The Diva’s Champion Layla came out on the rampway to watch as Phoenix overpowered Fox and beat her soundly in a matter of minutes with the Glam Slam.  Phoenix then tried to take advantage of Fox with another Glam Slam, but Layla intervened and ran into the ring and took Phoenix down and Phoenix retreated to the back as Layla go in the last laugh, but while leaving Beth promised that Layla would never beat her.  I disagree as I feel Layla will emerge from Over the Limit still the champion and continuing to ride the wave of momentum she’s been on since her return last month at Extreme Rules.

Big Show would be placed in a match with Kane by way of punishment for making fun of John Laurinaitis last week on Raw, which he was forced to apologize for, but then got caught again joking about it with the stars of the new USA show Common Law.  Going into the match, Big Show had it looming over his head that he would have to apologize to John Laurinaitis or he would be fired.  After a slow and methodical match typical of two big men facing each other, Laurinaitis would distract Big Show by demanding an apology in the middle of the match, causing Big Show to suffer a Chokeslam from Kane and be defeated.  Laurinaitis then mocked Big Show and berated him and Big Show made a very passionate apology and talked about how he loved his job.  But that wouldn’t be good enough for Laurinaitis, who demanded that Big Show get on his knees and beg to keep his job.  Big Show would beg for his job, but refused to get down on his knees and pleaded with Laurinaitis not to make him do that.  Laurinaitis then promised to reconsider and started to walk away, but when he reached the top of the ramp, he said he’d already reconsidered and started to fire Big Show, but Big Show stopped him and reluctantly gave Laurinaitis what he wanted on got down on his knees to apologize.  However, Laurinaitis fired him anyway.  It was a pretty heart-wrenching segment, but I doubt it will last.  We have not seen the last of the Big Show in the WWE.

In the next match, the WWE Tag Team Champions Kofi Kingston and R-Truth teamed up with Brodus Clay to take on The Miz and their challengers for the tag titles at Over the Limit, Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger.  The face team rolled over the bad guys at the beginning of the match, forcing the heels to regroup out on the floor during a commercial break.  Return from the break and as usual in such situations, the heels have taken the advantage and isolated one of the faces, in this instance R-Truth.  Pretty much a cookie cutter tag match, complete with some of Kofi’s usual high spots when he finally got the hot tag from Truth.  Kofi then hit Miz with the S.O.S., but Ziggler and Swagger broke it up, leading to Truth and Clay dispatching of Ziggler and Swagger, allowing Kingston to knock Miz out with Trouble in Paradise after Clay tagged himself in and Clay then finished Miz with a big splash for the win.

Sheamus joined the announce team for the next match between Randy Orton and Chris Jericho with Orton and Jericho preparing to challenge Sheamus for the World Heavyweight Championship at Over the Limit in a Fatal 4-Way Match along with Alberto Del Rio.  Michael Cole gave Sheamus crap the entire match, but Sheamus gave it right back, repeatedly calling Cole worthless, which is an opinion I tend to agree with.  I’ve not seen a play-by-play announcer for WWE be that consistently wrong with the facts he spews during matches since Bobby Heenan, but when Heenan did it, it was on purpose.  It was part of his schtick.  When Cole does it, it’s just because he’s an idiot and has a terrible memory for what has actually taken place in WWE history.  Jericho would go over and provoke Sheamus and when he got back into the ring, Orton hit him with his signature DDT off the ropes.  However, when Orton went for the RKO, Sheamus very predictably pulled Jericho out to the floor, leading to a disqualification.  Orton took exception and challenged Sheamus to a match on the spot and they got in the ring and got ready to fight, but were overrun by officials, who kept them separate.  Meanwhile, Del Rio was nowhere to be seen after suffering the Codebreaker, the RKO and the Brogue Kick in succession on Smackdown last week.  Del Rio is seemingly the low man on the totem pole in the lead-up to Over the Limit, but I’m picking Del Rio to win the World Heavyweight Championship for the first time at Over the Limit, adding to the two WWE Championship wins already on his resume from last year.

In the final segment, we were promised a face to face confrontation between John Cena and John Laurinaitis.  Being that this is the final segment on the final Raw before Over the Limit, it would appear that Cena vs. Lauinaitis is going to be the Main Event of Over the Limit, which feels like a small tragedy.  Laurinaitis would come out first and apologize to all of John Cena’s fans for the fact that they’re losers.  Cena then came out and shook his arm a couple of times before pronouncing that he was a little dinged up, but good to go after Laurinaitis along with Lord Tensai and Sakamoto attacked his injured arm two weeks ago on Raw.  Cena then made fun of Laurinaitis’ voice and called him a scumbag for firing big show.  Cena then proclaimed Laurinaitis the Undisputed King of Douche Bags.  Cena then went over Johnny’s track record, calling him a loser after going 1-for-4 in his agenda since taking over as GM and then comically made funny noises any time Johnny tried to speak.  His antics were very childish, but funny.  Cena’s promo made me actually care about this match now, which I previously didn’t at all, so very good work for Cena tonight in my opinion.  However, the segment quickly went downhill though as Cena dragged on a bit too long.  Eve Torres then came out, carrying a slip of paper from the Board of Directors, which Cena stole from Johnny and read.  The notice essentially stated that the match would be one-on-one and Laurinaitis would not be allowed to add a Guest Referee or change the stipulation in any other kind of way.  The notice also stated that no superstars would be allowed at ringside and any superstars who interfered in the match would be terminated.  There will also be no disqualifications and no countouts and if John Laurinaitis does not beat John Cena, he will be fired.  I only have one thing to say about how all of this has turned out.  Yes!  Yes!  Yes!  Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!  Yes!  Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!  Yes!  Yes! Yes! Yes!  Yes!  Yes!  Yes! Yes!

I’m very hopeful that  this is the end of John Laurinaitis reign of  constant verbal assault on my eardrums and brain.  However, I’m prepared to be disappointed and expect Johnny to find a loophole somewhere, potentially through a run in from Brock Lesnar, who wouldn’t fear being fired because he already “quit” and still has a score to settle with Cena after his loss at Extreme Rules.  Anything can happen in the WWE, but I will be eternally thankful if this is the end of John Laurinaitis’ on-screen career with the WWE.

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Written by I Am a Real American

May 14, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Posted in A-Train, Albert, Alex Riley, Alicia Fox, Beth Phoenix, Big Show, Big Show Fired, Brock Lesnar, Brock Lesnar Return, Brodus Clay, Chicago Street Fight, Chris Jericho, CM Punk, CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan, Cody Rhodes, Common Law, Daniel Bryan, David Otunga, Dolph Ziggler, Fatal 4-Way, Friday Night Smackdown, Handicap Match, Intercontinental Championship, Jack Swagger, John Cena, John Laurenaitis, Kane, Kofi Kingston, Lord Tensai, Macho Man Randy Savage, Michael Cole, Monday Night Raw, Over the Limit, Paul Heyman, Paul Heyman Return, Pro Wrestling, Punk vs. Jericho, R-Truth, Randy Orton, Raw Response, S.O.S., Sakamoto, Sheamus, SummerSlam, Tag Team, The Miz, Triple H, Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar, Trouble in Paradise, United States Championship, Vickie Guerrero, WWE, WWE Championship, WWE Tag Team Championship

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Real American Top Ten: Wrestler Performances in Television and Movies Every Wrestling Fan Should See

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First of all, I’m not recommending any of these TV appearances or Movies because they are cinematic masterpieces.  I am not attempting to say these are award worthy performances.  I’m just saying that as a wrestling fan, I really enjoyed these performances and I think if you’re a wrestling fan, you will as well.  And while it pains me to leave Ready to Rumble off the list, I don’t think any of the WCW guys had all that great of a performance, even though the movie itself is a must own for any fan of professional wrestling.  If Oliver Platt were an actual wrestler, his performance as Jimmy King would certainly be at the top of any list of must see performances for a wrestling fan.

#10 – Family Guy (The Rock) – Just a flat out hilarious bit part in the January 2010 episode “Big Man on Hippocampus.”  In the episode, during a steamy Peter and Lois sex scene, they claim the scene is too steamy for the FCC to allow them to show and instead cut to a simulation of the scene performed by Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.  Rock is seen holding a Peter Griffin action figure with a Lois action figure laying on the table and he deadpans perfectly as he slams the Peter doll up and down on top of Lois, looking very much like a little kid playing with his dolls and sliding her very quickly toward the edge of the table and she falls off, leaving Rock holding the Peter figure and looking confused.  Rock then rolls his eyes and looks embarrassed before we cut back to the conclusion of the sex scene.

#9 – Psych (Mickie James) –   From the September 2008 episode “Talk Derby to Me” in which Juliet goes undercover on a women’s roller derby team, of which the captain is Mickie’s character Rita “Lethal Weapon” Westwood.  The police suspect the team of being responsible for a series of burglaries and turns out they are right and when bodies start dropping, things take a turn and put Juliet’s life at risk, but when Shawn comes to the rescue, Juliet ends up saving him with a vicious Clothesline.  It was a very solid episode and it was nice to see Mickie play a bad girl for the first time since her Trish Stratus stalker gimmick.

#8 – It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (Roddy Piper) – Piper plays the Da’ Maniac in the 2009 episode “The Gang Wrestles for the Troops”, in which the guys at the bar recruit Piper to participate in a wrestling match to benefit troops returning home as a response to Dee chatting online with a soldier and then hanging out with him upon his return home.  Unfortunately, Piper’s character turns out to be a bit too crazy for them and gets himself arrested, so he doesn’t make an appearance for the match itself.  Piper is still great as always and the match the guys put on is incredibly stupid, but absolutely hilarious.  Even without Piper’s appearance, it would have been a great episode for wrestling fans and with him, it’s a definite must see.

#7 – Spider-Man (Randy Savage) –  Who can ever forget Bonesaw vs. The Amazing Spider-Man?  I sure can’t as Macho Man chases a freaked out Peter Parker around a steel cage in one of Spider-Man’s first ever fights as he looks to use his newfound powers to win a $3,000 prize for the wrestling match to help pay for a sports car.  The fight and Spider-Man’s victory plays a pivotal role in his origin story for the 2002-2007 Spider-Man film trilogy as Spider-Man is stiffed by the promoter and given only $100 despite defeating Bonesaw, leading Spidey to allow a thief to escape with the promoters money and the thief ends up shooting Peter’s father figure, his uncle Ben, leading Peter to take on a greater responsibility as Spider-Man.

#6 – Psych (Stacy Keibler) – From the episode “Thrill Seekers and Hell-Raisers” in February 2010.  Stacy joins Shawn and Gus on a river-rafting trip and it quickly becomes evident that her character is not shy about putting the moves on Shawn and is more than happy to initiate things.  Things quickly become complicated as one of the river-rafting party goes missing an Stacy becomes one of Shawn’s suspects as well as Gus’ new girlfriend Ruby (played by the very attractive Sarah Shahi).  Turns out neither of them is guilty, but here’s to hoping Stacy makes a return to the show at some point.  Also, be sure to check out her appearances on How I Met Your Mother and Chuck.

#5 – The Punisher (Kevin Nash) –  Epic fight scene as Nash shows up dressed in a ridiculous red and white striped t-shirt, looking like an overgrown beach boy with classical music blaring in the background as Nash punches a hole through the door to the Punisher’s apartment and commences delivering punishment of his own.  The Punisher throws everything he can at Nash and Nash classically no-sells pretty much all of it (kind of like in WCW) and levels Punisher with an entire toilet that he uprooted from the floor.  At one point, The Punisher even hurls a grenade at Nash, which Nash nonchalantly bats back at him, forcing Punisher to dive for cover and the explosion puts an end to the classical music, but only temporarily as Nash and Punisher continue to bash each other through walls and with anything they can pick up while the other characters comically fail to notice any of this is going on until Nash and Punisher finally come crashing through their front door.  The fight finally culminates with Nash taking a pot of boiling pasta sauce to the face and being tackled down a flight of stairs to his demise.  Definitely a must see.

#4 – Boy Meets World (Vader) – One of my favorite shows growing up and I still watch the reruns occasionally in the rare instance I can find them on.  Vader appeared in three episodes as pretty much himself as it is revealed Vader is the father of Cory and Shawn’s bully turned friend, Frankie Stechino (played by Ethan Suplee).  In multiple instances, Frankie, Cory and Shawn show up to Vader’s matches to help Vader out and give him advice such as to waste less time before delivering the Vader Bomb.  I don’t recommend this for Vader’s acting chops, but because its a great show with great characters that saw fit to include professional wrestling as a story arc on the show.

#3 – The Longest Yard (Kevin Nash) – Kevin Nash cracks the top five, not once, but twice.  This is an all around good remake of a classic that actually showcases the acting talents of several wrestlers including Stone Cold Steve Austin, Goldberg and The Great Khali, but Nash definitely steals the show with his estrogen-pill popping performance.  He had me damn near rolling in the aisles and busting my gut, I was laughing so hard, especially the scene on the sidelines where Stone Cold tells him to “Stop acting like a damn cheerleader” and Nash responds with “Sportsmanship triumphs” and then makes a sour face at Stone Cold.  He also experiences several other uncharacteristic non-manly moments as a result of the other team replacing his steroids with estrogen, all of which are hilarious.  Nash rarely got a chance to show off his comedic chops and have it be legitimately funny, so enjoy it where you can.

#2 – They Live (Roddy Piper) – One of the all time greatest lines in cinema – “I am here to kick ass and chew bubble gum… And I am all out of bubble gum.” comes from this movie.  Roddy Piper can be seen kicking ass from back in his heyday.  I know Piper hasn’t lost any of his charisma, but he doesn’t really look like much of an ass-kicker these days and watching They Live is a great way to remember him from his prime. For an 80s sci-fi flick starring a wrestler in the lead, you really can’t ask for more than what They Live delivers in my opinion.

#1 – Walking Tall (The Rock) – One of my all-time favorite action flicks and easily my favorite of Rock’s movies.  If you only watch one of Rock’s movies, I highly recommend this one.  For other solid movies before he became way less entertaining in my view, check out The Rundown and The Scorpion King.  Gridiron Gang is a good, touching movie, but it isn’t the type of movie that I think anyone could watch again and again.  Walking Tall, on the other hand, I have seen at least a dozen times and I even coupled it with the work of Marshall McLuhan (a communication theorist) to get an A on a Mass Communication project my freshman year of college.  It’s a great story about taking back a community from corruption and teaching the members of that community to “Walk Tall” once again.  Plus, you have The Rock beating the bejesus out of dozens of bad guys all by himself.  Throw in Johnny Knoxville to add to the comedy and it makes a pretty great flick.  Not the stuff that classics are made of, but it is very entertaining and you can see what The Rock was like before he starting churning out Disney flicks.